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Really long ad around V-day? You bet ya! I never know what to put here, so I guess I’ll just write an epic novel about myself.
I’m lbs, decently fit. White with hazel eyes, and brown hair, and for some reason that has cursed me since birth .... photograph horribly.
I’m currently a computer nerd for a large company in Memphis. Now ladies … let me tell you, I make bank here …. The bank of a reallllllllllllly poor country. Let’s go with a third world country … it’s that bad. In all reality, bleh money, but a job that I like with people I can stand. And I don’t hate going to work in the morning.
I’m not a clubber, never was, never will be. Crowds aren’t really my thing. That’s not to say I can’t be sociable in a party situation, because I’m great with people. It’s just you’ll never have me suggest, “Lets go to the club!” That being said, I'm not opposed to being your arm candy at one. :) Part of that might be my inability to dance …. It just doesn’t work. My boogie bone has been removed it seems. I do however enjoy people. I know when the girls are over to disappear, or when the friends are over to come on out and be the host. On the same note, not a heavy drinker. Social, but that’s about it. I do like a little wine every now and then, but there’s almost never beer in my fridge.
What I like to do: Cook, love to cook, and damn good at it. I cook, you clean – A WIN in my book. References available upon request! (As an aside, my favorite food is Mexican. In the local area El Porton is my favorite restaurant) I also play competitive dodge ball once a week … don’t judge me! It’s fun, aerobic, social, and cheap. I’m not a huge sports fan, but I do like sports. Playing them more than watching. I play poker every time I get the chance, mostly cash games, and I’m decent at it. Camping and fishing when I get the chance. I’m a HUGE fan of Spring River in Arkansas. Nothing beats camping 6 feet away from that river, waking up to trout fish, laying and looking at actual stars, and canoeing down it watching the drunken people flip. Being a computer nerd, you know I love to play a bit of games when I get the chance, but it isn’t a huge every day thing. I can also sew ….. You’re judging me now. Stop that. In high school the shop teacher was an ass-hat so it was home-ec or shop …. I chose home-ec. So now I kind of enjoy sewing.
I have a decent sense of humor, and am sarcastiy sarcastic. That’s just how sarcastic I am, it runs in the family. It runs like a sprinter in the Olympics. If you are one of those sarcasm haters, I’m probably not the dude for you. However that doesn’t mean that I can’t turn it off. Parents, people who deserve/need respect, cops, etc., the sarcasm can be controlled. ? I don’t want all your friends thinking I’m a total jack ass.
Music wise, I like a lot. I’m not a fan of ghetto rap, but I do have my moments. Ludacris is pretty damn awesome, as well as Top 40 songs. I would say I have a wide range of tastes in that department. Country isn’t really a must listen to either though. Movie wise, I also like a lot. My fav movie is Swordfish; fav chick flick is The Notebook (gets me every time …)
MMmmmmm what else? I have no allergies. I tan well. I like it pretty chilly when I try to go to bed. I like candles. Love Reeses, but not a huge fan of peanut butter … don’t ask me to explain that, because I can’t. Hate nuts ….. etc etc

This is where the fun comes in I assume, what I’m looking for in a significant other …. Oh god this will probably bar every woman, ever, from continuing reading, but we all have to have standards.
Smart or at least above average intelligence … I don’t need a rocket scientist, but I would like someone who knows that elephant isn’t a big word. Let’s be able to carry a conversation. You read?!? I love you already. We can both share our huge disappointment at the closing of bookstar. (You will be missed)
Fun/Adventurous …. Try stuff, really … I mean it. Let’s go do something different, or the same, let’s just DO! This is delicious, try a bite … You’ve never had sushi? (Incidentally I haven’t) let’s try it.
Sane: There are some crazy, crazy women out there, and I’m just not down with the insane chicks. Be sensible, and open to the fact that we might not see eye to eye on everything that we will ever encounter. If you were exactly the same as me, it wouldn’t be very exciting.
Hot/Cute/Attractive …. Well yah, you knew it was coming! What guy doesn’t like an attractive girl?!? I’m not expecting a Kim Kardashian, but I would like an attractive woman to show off. We all have our little niches that turn us on. And it’s important to find the person you are dating attractive.
Baggage at minimum … ok ladies. I’m 26; I realize that a lot of you will have children already. And most of you will have ex’s …. I would hope so at least at the ages we’re looking at here. I’m fine with rugrats; I have one of my own. It’s the crack head ex-boyfriend daddy that comes around drunk that makes my appeal hide like a turtle into its shell. We all have baggage in our closet, but I try to keep mine to a minimum as possible, and I’d like you to be somewhat in the same ball park on that. I realize my ex-wife will never (sadly) be out of the picture because we have a son together (he’s totally awesome by the way), so I do realize that baggage will be there. I really think yal know what I mean at this point.
Kids: If you do have kids… I like kids, I really do, and I have one! I don’t want monsters … think of what you would want my kid to be like, then look at yours. Would you want to date someone with your kid/kids? If you answer that question as a no, then you are totally awesome for admitting there’s a problem. And I’m not a child specialist so I can’t really tell you what you need to know. But Google is there with answers for you. If you answered yes, then we are cool as cucumbers. If you have no kids …. Why are you reading this paragraph? As a note, I am open to more kiddos in a stable, healthy home, a long time from now.
Games: I don’t have time for em, I don’t want em, and we ain’t getting any younger here. Yes, I just said “ain’t.” If you aren’t emotionally available, want a man who makes 1 mil a year, just looking to piss off your ex, looking for a sugar daddy, etc. then please don’t waste my time. I want a relationship. Period.

If you’re still reading this sarcasm laced soliloquy and are still interested at this point, and think we could click, the contact button is somewhere around here, and I encourage you to use it. Your pic gets mine, yes I have some. And I am real ... do you think a scammer would write all this?!!? Tell me your favorite food in your reply

Reviews of this Personal Ad:
“A great Read!” Says the New York Times
“The best dating site personal of the year” says the Daily Post
“A must read. He brings the bang and keeps it coming!"

• Location: Memphis
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

• Location: Memphis
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

• Location: Memphis
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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